I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
