I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
