Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
