get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
