shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
