Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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