My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
