I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
