So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
