i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
