recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
