It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize