Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
