My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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