Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Randomize
