i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I am naked and annoyed.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
