the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Randomize
