It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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