Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
