Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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