im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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