All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
