we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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