You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
