you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize