i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm sobbing to NWA
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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