so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
