And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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