I wish I could teleport
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
