We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
false alarm, still single
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