Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
