Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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