bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Randomize
