Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize