i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
