Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
