i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
