I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
