He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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