Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
