they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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