dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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