I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize