$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
