whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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