Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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