Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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