id be glad to
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
