my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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