No stitches, just platelets and will power
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
