Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
