apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize