True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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