Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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