he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize