I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
