is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize