my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
