For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
