garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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