I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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