I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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