Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize