So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
