Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize