I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize