if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
