My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Say something about gay babies.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
