Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
