it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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