cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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