Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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