I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
We smell like vodka and hangover
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