i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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