I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
