you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
