The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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