Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
